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The fifth episode of season three, and a great one! Enjoy!

ScriptEdit

  • (Rack and US are inside Town Hall.)
  • Rack: Hey US! How are you-
  • US: Ah, I'm so macho. (a fly comes, and US squishes it with one hand immediately) Didn't even see it coming.. Dep, can you get my purple mug with grape juice?
  • Dep. Mayor: No.
  • US: What's your deal, skirt?
  • Dep. Mayor: It's my time of the month, okay?!
  • (Dep. Mayor runs away.)
  • US: Women. Oh, hey, Raclk. Didn't see you there.
  • Rack: US, that wasn't very nice. He's been doing a great job since quitting his skirt wearing addiction!
  • US: Raclk, Raclk, Raclk. You're too nice. Remember what happened when those aliens came?
  • (A flashback appears; Two stereotypical aliens are knocking on Rack's door; Rack answers it.)
  • Alien #1: Take us to your leader.
  • Rack: Well okay. I can do that. I'll just sign up for a reservation to visit the White House. It's gonna take about six months and there's a good chance something will happen that will result in that reservation being canceled at some point or denied altogether. Okay?
  • Alien #2: Forget these humans. Hey, I heard Mars has the galaxy's largest hoverboarding range.
  • Alien #1: Let's go!
  • (The flashback ends; we're now back to the present.)
  • Rack: I just wanted to welcome them-
  • US: Raclk, I'm your leader! Not that silly bearded guy with the tall hat from the bright house brigade!
  • Rack: You mean Lincoln? He died.
  • US: OMG really?! Good, at least there's no one to challenge me now.
  • Rack: Um... a new President has taken over, twenty-eight times actually.
  • US: What? How?
  • Rack: Elections usually. Sometimes disease and crazy people too.
  • US: E-lec-tion?
  • (NH suddenly barges into Town Hall.)
  • NH: Excuse me, my supersonic hearing heard this convo. But anyway, what does it matter? I'll rule you all soon enough.
  • US: But you already did that once, remember?
  • NH: Darn it, reset button didn't work that time.
  • US: Wait a sec..... wanting to rule Earth, calling us humans, suddenly barged in with something he's never really had before, has a weird voice.... NY... is... an.... alien!
  • NH: (jokingly): Yeah, I just ripped this skin off from some random wolf. Very comfy.
  • US: See Raclk?! He admitted! NY.... is... an.... alien!
  • Rack: You're right, he is!
  • NH: (facepalms): I've got to stop joking like that.... now, if you excuse me, this wolf, mind you, is going to get away from you hu-
  • (A "zipper" on NH is getting loose.)
  • NH: Ugh, I hate it when this happens! How can a wolf live with this?!
  • (NH zips it up and leaves.)
  • US: Did you see that, Raclk?!
  • Rack: I sure did! Let's spy on him so we can see who he really is!
  • US: Ooh, stalking. Perfect!
  • (A montage plays of Rack and US spying on NH and observing his behavior.)
  • NH: Now that that pointless montage filler is over, I can relax.
  • (Rack and US jump out of a bush.)
  • NH: I knew you two were following me. What do you want?!
  • US: Come on, alien, tell us! Are you an alien? What's your home planet? Why are you here on planet Earth? Tell us, Mr. Zipper-thingy!
  • Rack: Yeah, "alienie", I thought you were my doggie, but, (tear shedding) I guess not!
  • NH: (jokingly): Oh, perhaps you're looking for Old Man! He's from Nostalgica!
  • (NH suddenly grabs Old Man out of nowhere and runs.)
  • Old Man: Wha? I was just eatin' my prune cereal! You kids today and your teleportin' nonsense! Ruinin' our privacy! You're like the Life Alert people! Never leavin' me alo- (Old Man holds his stomach) Gotta go! Need to use a bush and old corn bye!
  • (Old Man fast walks away.)
  • Rack: Ew...
  • US: Regardless that guy's grotesqueness, he has a point about the teleporting. Write it down, Raclk!
  • (Cut to NH, who is panting from running.)
  • NH: I need these humans to stop following me. Rig!
  • (Rig pops up from NH's mouth.)
  • NH: (muffled): How did you get in there?!
  • Rig: I was wondering if you were an alien. You really need to floss more.
  • (Rig flosses NH's teeth.)
  • NH: (muffled): Enough!
  • (NH throws Rig out of his mouth.)
  • NH: Oh, I get it. You all think I'm an alien. Whatever. I don't need any of you! (zipper goes down) Darn it! Stop ruining my rants, metal-plastic-velcro thingy that's supposed to be helpful but causes me grief!
  • (NH walks away, with the top of the zipper falling down.)
  • US: Alien!
  • NH: (voice only): Wolf!
  • (Cut to NH alone, outside in the woods.)
  • NH: Ah, it's so hot today. (NH feels his fur on his forehead to wipe off sweat; the large clump falls off)
  • (Rack and US are hiding in a bush.)
  • US: See Raclk?! His skin's starting to wear off and he's gonna reveal his true form!
  • Rack: I'm gonna write this down!
  • (Cut to NH in Rack's house.)
  • US: What sex are you, alien?
  • NH: No thanks, I don't do that stuff.
  • US: (rolls eyes): No, I mean, what gender are you?
  • NH: Find out yourself.
  • (US stares at NH's crotch (the crotch being obscured by US, of course)).)
  • Rack: Uh, do you know what it is now?
  • US: In a minute.....
  • NH: (looks at nonexistent watch): Yeah...... I've got things to do, so...
  • US: No!
  • Rack: Any minute now or....
  • US: I'm almost done, okay?!
  • NH: (jokingly): Jeez, maybe I should start wearing clothes.
  • (US finally gets up.)
  • US: No! Stay like that! That's too glorious to conceal!
  • NH: Um.... thanks? Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna go somewhere where people aren't violating my personal space... literally.
  • (NH walks away.)
  • US: Hey, Raclk, can I-
  • (Rack runs away, screaming.)
  • US: -Borrow your clipboard.
  • (Cut to NH relaxing in a red robe, wearing reading glasses, having a pipe that blows bubbles and a newspaper.)
  • US: You're gonna wear clothes now? Aw....
  • NH: No, you buffoon! I wore this robe in episode 3, remember? Plus, I can still feel the breeze. (winks)
  • US: No fair! I wasn't in that episode!
  • NH: Yeah, it's a shame you weren't truly killed off.
  • Rack: Oh, yeah, he wore it also in episode 4.1.
  • US: Wha? Four point one? That's not a number, silly Raclk.
  • Rack: No, I mean the first ever SOR segment.
  • NH: Yeah, that sucked.
  • Rack: Hey! At least I succeeded in mine while you didn't in yours!
  • US: Anyway, before the fans grow tired of us talking about old episodes...
  • Rack: You mean over there?
  • (Rack points to literal fans, blowing.)
  • US: (rolls eyes): Before this becomes repetitive..... why are you suddenly wearing it now if you haven't in ages?
  • NH: Well, something happened one day.
  • (A flashback begins.)
  • US: (voice only): Oh, come on!
  • NH: (wearing robe): Good morning, Rack! I made you breakfast! I didn't know what you wanted so I made you all the stereotypical breakfast meals! I also got the pulp out of your orange juice and also squeezed the oranges myself! (touches Rack's nose) Boop.
  • (NH walks away.)
  • Rack: ........Who was that and what have they done with my dog?
  • (Flashback ends.)
  • NH: Now, if you excuse me, I have a job to attend to.
  • (NH walks away.)
  • US: NY has a job? NY never had a job before... stalk tiiiiiiime!
  • (Cut to NH working at a fast food place.)
  • NH: (wearing fast food hat): Ugh, how can humans eat this slop? Hm.
  • (NH tries a taste of the deep fryer.)
  • NH: Blegh!
  • Drive-Thru Person: Hey, fresh meat! Don't taint the fryer! Now we gotta get a fresh batch.
  • NH: Sorry, sorry!
  • Drive-Thru Person: Look here, smartbutt. Now, I, the worker going through puberty, am now manager of this here joint, you're gonna follow what I say, got it?!
  • NH: Yes, sir!
  • Drive-Thru Person: Be grateful! Otherwise, I'm gonna make you start wearing clothes if you screw up again!
  • NH: Y-yes, sir.
  • Drive-Thru Person: Good.
  • (NH is snickering about the manager's voice behind his back; The manager looks at him, thinking he heard something, but NH stops snickering; once the manager leaves, NH continues it.)
  • (Rack and US are in front of the drive thru, spying on NH; honking is heard in the background.)
  • US: Alien! Everyone on Earth loves grease!
  • Rack: We should keep investigating.... plus people are getting antsy.
  • (A chainsaw is thrown.)
  • (Cut to NH feeding squirrels.)
  • Rig: Now, remember, you're recovering....
  • NH: (has an acorn): Here.... you..... go..... Jimmy.
  • (Jimmy hugs him and gnaws on an acorn.)
  • Rig: Yay! You beat your addiction!
  • NH: I think I died inside.
  • (Rack and US are hiding in a tree.)
  • Rack: Wow, NH quit eating squirrels?!
  • US: Alien.
  • (Cut to NH trimming his toenails.)
  • NH: About time I trimmed these bad boys!
  • (Rack and US are, amazingly, hiding in a lamp.)
  • Rack: Wow, last time he tried trimming them, he was bleeding! Uh.... US?
  • US: Lamp...... I love lamp....
  • (Cut to NH looking at his tail.)
  • NH: Oh, hey parasite.
  • (Rack and US are spying from a window in Rack's home.)
  • Rack: No way! He always chases his tail!
  • (Cut to NH, with, surprisingly shiny teeth.)
  • Rack: Wow, your teeth aren't green?!
  • NH: So?
  • US: (whispers to Rack): Alien.
  • (Cut to NH with a radio.)
  • NH: Ygydveuuuuuuuuuuugk. Tdgvd fgdeuwgk. Cygfvvuk.
  • (Rack and US are hiding behind his lab door.)
  • Rack: He's not even speaking English anymore...
  • US: Oh no! Raclkkkkkkk! He's in the final stages of his transformation!
  • Rack: You're right! We gotta keep researching!
  • NH: Ggydduk?
  • (Rack and US scream, running away.)
  • (Cut to NH at the park; an unidentified flying object passes by.)
  • NH: Hello there, brethren!
  • (Rack and US are spying on top of a house.)
  • US: UFO! UFO! Alien! Alien senses kicking in!
  • Rack: Ssh! He's gonna hear-
  • US: Aliens don't have ears!
  • NH: (voice only): I can hear you with my supersonic hearing...
  • US: Darn him and whoever that attractive wolf's ears were!
  • (NH points at a planet a-la "E.T.: The Extraterrestrial".)
  • US: That's it! We gotta stop him!
  • (Rack is yanked by US and they both jump down.)
  • US: Look, extraterrestrial, we know who you truly are!
  • Rack: Yeah! We got proof!
  • NH: Oh, you guys still think I'm an alien?
  • (NH laughs hard.)
  • US: You're not gonna pass it off as a joke! Raclk and me saw everything!
  • Rack: Rack and I.
  • US: Stop judging me!
  • NH: Oh, am I? Okay then, show me this "proof", but I have a feeling it's gonna pretty much spoonfeed everyone what's already happened.
  • US: Don't ruin it!
  • Rack: Well, for starters, what about that zipper?
  • NH: Ugh, don't remind me about that! Thanks to yet another error by Rig, that part of my fur's gone and now I need a stupid zipper!
  • Rig: (pops up out of nowhere): Guilty as charged!
  • NH: Rig! Where were you most of this episode?
  • Rig: I was gettin' mah makeup from the dump. I gotta look "purdy".
  • NH: (sniffs): Yes, your demented version of "pretty".
  • US: Okay, but how did you teleport that gross old dude we hang out with?
  • NH: Cartoon logic. Very handy.
  • Rack: Oh, yeah? Well explain your fur falling off!
  • NH: Did you idiots happen to know that it's shedding season for us wolves?!
  • (More fur falls off.)
  • Rack: Oh....
  • US: You look better with fur on, NY. So what's with the robe?! You've always hated clothes!
  • NH: (wearing it): I explained that one already! What, I can't relax? I can't preserve modesty once in a while? Fine! (rips his robe into pieces, now truly nude) Are you happy now?
  • US: ......Yes.....
  • Rack: ........Anyway, since when did you have a job?
  • NH: You never asked. Plus, how on Earth-
  • US: Alien.
  • NH: .......How on Earth could you think I could afford all that without any money?
  • Rig: He gets most of it at the dump.
  • NH: Rig! That was suppose to be a secret!
  • Rig: Too late for that, don't ya think?
  • NH: .......Anyway, I use the money to either fix those up (looks at Rig) and, if I save up enough, buy ones straight from the store.
  • Rack: How can you buy that so quickly? They must cost a fortune.
  • NH: I take some money from your wallet.
  • Rack: I knew it!
  • US: How did you quit eating squirrels?
  • NH: Wha? I didn't quit!
  • Rig: B-but I thought you were recovering and ended it by feeding Jimmy.
  • NH: (laughing): Kids. Listen, I was kidding. You guys seriously need to learn jokes. When you weren't looking, I ate your precious Jimmy. He was very salty, just the way I like them!
  • Rig: Jimmy!
  • NH: What else?
  • Rack: What about trimming your toes?! You couldn't do that before!
  • NH: Jeez, I can't have at least a little hygiene?
  • US: Fine, but what about your tail? I thought you like to destroy that thing!
  • NH: Eh, I just didn't feel like chasing it today. But now that you mention it....
  • (NH howls while chasing his own tail.)
  • Rack: What about your teeth?
  • NH: (still chasing tail): Huh? (stops) Oh! Dentures. Me and Old Man wanted to trade teeth for a day. He wanted to be like George Washington and ranted about almost being President or whatever. Although I kinda regret making the trade... I don't wanna know what this black stuff was that he was chewing....
  • (The four all shudder.)
  • US: How about that gibberish you were saying to the radio?
  • NH: Oh yeah! I was testing my ham radio I found at the store. I just like to speak in gibberish to see how it sounds when recorded.
  • Rig: (muffled): And what a ripoff! It doesn't taste like ham at all!
  • NH: ......Never mind.
  • Rack: But hey, why were you waving at that UFO?
  • NH: UFO....? Oh! That was a frisbee!
  • US: .......So why were you waving at it?
  • NH: Oh, that..... I guess that's my darn dog relatives kicking in... (rubs back of head, in embarrassment)
  • US: Okay, I guess you have fair excuses for all of those, but why were you touching that planet drawing a couple minutes ago? You were clearly phoning home, ready to shed your wolf skin and go back home!
  • (NH falls down, laughing hard.)
  • US: See? He's not denyin'!
  • NH: (crying from laughing): Now, I admit, you don't see that every day, but all I was doing was cleaning a spec of it since Rig.... uh, had some constipation issues and that was where it landed.
  • Rig: You can thank Old Man's prune cereal!
  • Rack: Wow..... so, all of that.... wasn't alien stuff?
  • NH: Nope.
  • US: And... those.... all.... had... rather cartoon-esque explanations?
  • NH: Yep.
  • Rack: But.... how... impossible.
  • NH: Welcome to the world of cartoons.
  • US: So... wait.... that..... oh so very glorious.... thing is yours?
  • NH: Yeah......?
  • US: Marry me!
  • (Cut to Dep. Mayor hiding on the outside of the building, crying.)
  • NH: Yeah, I'm just gonna go now...
  • Rack: Okay, just making sure.... you're not an alien.
  • NH: Nope. I do admit those are suspicious, but not an alien. I do like them, though.
  • US: And you're a wolf, right?
  • NH: Riiiiight..... well, it's been a long day with your stalking and such, so I'm gonna hit the hay. See ya later.
  • (NH walks away, yawning.)
  • Rack: It's only 5:00.
  • US: Wait! Come back, my love!
  • Rig: Wanna play Go Fish?
  • US: Sure, why not?
  • (Cut to NH preparing to go to bed on his web; only NH's shadow is seen here.)
  • NH: (voice only, something drops down): Ah, finally! Now I can breathe! Those silly humans, thinking I'm an alien.... they'll never find out what I am.
  • (The shadow of NH maniacally laughs.)
  • THE END....?.

CreditsEdit

StarringEdit

WritingEdit

ThanksEdit

OtherEdit

I really love this one; I feel it's very creative and we all (well, mainly just me and NH XD) enjoyed writing it; as for whether NH is actually an alien or not, well, we'll see. ;)

Thanks for reading! :D

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