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This is the transcript for "Can't You Just Fetch?".

ScriptEdit

  • (Rack and NH are watching TV.)
  • TV Announcer: Come on down to Crazy Dave's Crazy Dirt Superstore! We have all your dirt needs! Brown dirt, red dirt, chunky dirt, fine dirt, even the rare glow in the dark dirt! We have dirt by the truck loads! Crazy Dave's Crazy Dirt Superstore! Come on down!
  • NH: Stupid humans, buying dirt.
  • Rack: I have the sudden urge to buy dirt.
  • (Cut to outside. Rack and NH are walking to the superstore.)
  • NH: Remind me again where we're going?
  • Rack: Why Crazy Dave's Crazy Dirt Superstore of course!
  • NH: Why? Why must you be so idiotic?
  • Rack: Aw, I'm smart?! Thanks for the compliment!
  • (NH is mumbling unintelligible words. The two then arrive at the store.)
  • Rack: We're here! Ain't it pretty?
  • (The sign of the store collapses on the ground.)
  • NH: (Sarcastic); Yeah, it's a real eye pleaser.
  • Rack: I knew you'd like it!
  • (The two then get in the store. A little girl approaches NH.)
  • Little Girl: Aw, look at the cute doggie!
  • NH: Little girl, I am a wolf, not this "doggie" you speak of. I am not cute either.
  • Little Girl: You're funny, doggie!
  • NH: I am being quite serious. Now, please, shoo, you are starting to agitate me.
  • (The little girl laughs.)
  • NH: That's it. Prepare to be annihilated.
  • (NH prepares to use his "annihilator" gun to annihilate the little girl, However, the gun turns around to NH's face, shooting him. NH is now covered in black, as the gun exploded.)
  • Little Girl: (Laughs): Bye funny doggie!
  • (The little girl walks away.)
  • Rack: Uh, NH, you have a little something on your face.
  • (NH stares at the screen, unamused.)
  • (Later........)
  • Woman: Aw! Look at that dog! He looks so adorable!
  • NH: No. I am a wolf, not a dog.
  • Woman: Aw, you want a treat?
  • NH: No, I'd rather have world domination.
  • (The woman has a puzzled face.)
  • Woman: I'm gonna take that as a yes!
  • Rack: Aw, isn't that nice of her offering you a treat?!
  • NH: (Sarcastic): Yep, just peachy.
  • Woman: Well, have it!
  • NH: How about no?
  • Woman: Yes? Then have it!
  • (NH grabs the treat, and throws it, hitting the back of a man's head in the store.)
  • Man: Huh, that's odd. I feel like the back of my head just got hit by a dog treat. Meh. (Continues shopping.)
  • Rack: That wasn't very nice!
  • NH: Can you just pick up your dirt already?!
  • Rack: Okay, I'll continue talking to people!
  • (NH facepalms. Later, Rack shows pictures of NH when he was young.)
  • Rack: .......And this was him playing in the mud, and this was him licking my chin, and this was him in the bathtub. Ooh, someone made some bubbles.
  • Everyone: Awwwwwwww!
  • NH: (Covering his face in embarrassment): Can you please stop?!
  • Rack: Okay, I'll show them the picture with you on the rug and with your bum in the air.
  • (Later........)
  • Rack: Hm, NH, which should I get? Brown dirt, or red?
  • NH: I don't care. Just pick one so I can go home.
  • Rack: NH, what's wrong?
  • NH: Forget it. Just forget it. I'll be waiting outside.
  • (Rack looks at NH with a concerned face. Rack and NH walk home.)
  • Rack: So, uh, how are you?
  • NH: Please don't speak to me. Every time you do, you ruin my life.
  • (Rack again looks concerned. Later, it cuts to Rack in the kitchen.)
  • Rack: I wonder what's gotten NH sad. Sigh.
  • (Rack notices an advertisement on the back of a magazine.)
  • Rack: Huh, what's this? (Reading ad): Dog Show, 12:00 PM sharp, 5 dollars to enter, prize is 10 dollars, ends today. (stops reading): Hm.......
  • (Cut to Rack telling NH he entered him in the contest.)
  • NH: Excuse me?
  • Rack: Yep, I entered you in a dog show! Isn't that great?
  • NH: You imbecile! I am a wolf, not a dog!
  • Rack:Aw, I knew you'd like to be in it! Now, we should get ready!
  • NH: (Sarcastic): This is gonna be fun.
  • (Cut to NH in a bathing suit.)
  • NH: I hate you so much.
  • Rack: Aw, I love you too!
  • NH: Why am I wearing this stupid bathing suit again?
  • Rack: Well, you want to win the swimsuit competition, don't you?
  • NH: No.
  • Rack: Yes? Well, alright then.
  • NH: I hate my life.
  • (Cut to Rack trying to teach NH how to fetch.)
  • Rack: Okay, fetch this stick!
  • (Rack throws it; NH doesn't do anything.)
  • Rack: Stick. Throw. Fetch.
  • NH: I am not an imbecile. You, however, are.
  • Rack: Come on, boy!
  • NH: I'm not your boy.
  • (Rack throws it again, but NH once again doesn't do anything.)
  • Rack: Can't you just fetch?
  • NH: Ha ha! You said the name in the thing!
  • Rack: Huh?
  • NH: Never mind.
  • Rack: Oh my! It's almost 12! We should get going!
  • (Rack drags NH to the show.)
  • (Cut to the dog show.)
  • Rack: Here we are!
  • NH: (Sarcastic): Yippee.
  • Announcer: Welcome to the annual dog show! Whoever gets first place in the most categories is the winner!
  • US: Raclk!
  • Rack: Oh, hey, US, why are you here?
  • US: No reason. Now, I must ask you a question.
  • Rack: What?
  • US: How much for the doggie?
  • Rack: ..........What?
  • US: Your dog. How much?
  • Rack: .........How much ya got?
  • NH: I am not a dog!
  • US: Huh, who's that?
  • Rack: US, this is NH. You've seen him before.
  • US: I have never seen that dog before in my life.
  • NH: I am not a dog!
  • US: Holy crap in a pinata, a talking dog! Well, I have mayoral things to avoid doing. See ya!
  • Rack: Bye! Wasn't that a great talk?
  • NH: (Sarcastic): Yep, so fun.
  • (Cut to the Judges observing NH.)
  • NH: Could you give some room?
  • Judge: Huh! Do my ears deceive me?! Did he just............talk?!
  • NH: What's the big deal?
  • Judges: He can talk!
  • Judge #2: Well, then, I guess he wins that category.
  • (Later........... One of the judges offer NH a dog treat.)
  • Judge #1: Want this treat?
  • NH: No. Ruling the world is more important then that garbage.
  • Judge #1: It's cinnamon flavored......
  • (NH throws the treat at the back of a man's head.)
  • Man: Huh, I just felt another dog treat hit me in the back of the head. What are the odds?
  • (Later........... One of the judges examines NH's teeth.)
  • Judge #3: Okay, so I'm just gonna take a little look at your teeth. Oh my, those are some yellow teeth you ha- (NH bites his hand) Ow! My hand!
  • NH: Oh my, that's a bleeding hand you have.
  • (Later....... NH is in his bathing suit.)
  • NH: This better be worth it.
  • Judge #1: We had a swimsuit category?
  • Judge #2: I don't think so.
  • Judge #3: Hm, I guess he wins that category then.
  • (Later............ NH refuses to do obstacles.)
  • NH: No. I will not humiliate my kind and myself.
  • Rack: Come on, don't you want to win?
  • NH: No.
  • Judge #1: He refuses. Yep, he wins.
  • (Later........ the contest is over. The judges are about to announce the winner.)
  • Judge #1: And the winner is............ that oddly large and talking dog!
  • NH: (Sarcastic): Yee haw. Woo hoo. Let's party.
  • Rack: Hey, I just noticed you're not a dog.
  • NH: (Sarcastic): Wow, didn't know that.
  • Rack: Then you must be........... a fox! Good thing for that, since I entered you in the Fox Show!
  • (NH bangs his head on a table.)
  • THE END.

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