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The tenth episode of season 2, and one of my favorites from it. Enjoy!

ScriptEdit

  • (US is using her computer.)
  • US: Stupid computer! Lagging, horrible connection and typos! It keeps freezing, stops working and says "lump" instead of lamp! Ugh!
  • (US bangs her fist on the computer.)
  • Dep. Mayor: Uh, I don't think that's a good idea, Miss US........
  • US: Be quiet! I'm trying to look at lamps!
  • (The computer stops working.)
  • US: That's it!
  • (US stomps on the computer and throws it out the window.)
  • Dep. Mayor: That's my computer.....
  • US: Was. Besides, it sucked.
  • (Dep. Mayor runs away, crying.)
  • US: Must be that time of the month again. But that was a stupid computer! Why does the Internet hate me?!
  • NH: You have been ignoring Pastus.
  • US: Huh?
  • NH: (sitting down like a monk and talking like one): That is not the way to handle lag, human. I will show you the way of the great wise ones within the Internet.
  • US: NY? Where did you come from?
  • NH: That's not important, human. Now, follow me, naive one, to the Pastus room.
  • (NH hovers.)
  • US: How do you do that?
  • (They head into NH's lab.)
  • NH: (walking normally): Stand back human, I need to go through the security process.
  • (NH puts his paw on a pad which scans it and opens a huge steal door, then another device scans his eye and opens another door, then inputs the code to a giant combination lock to open another door, uses a key to open another huge door, and then the last one is a simple wooden door.)
  • NH: This one's always the hardest.
  • (NH tries to use the doorknob and fails.)
  • NH: Time to open it my way.
  • (NH gets a laser and blows up the door.)
  • Rig: Hewwo!
  • NH: RIG! How did you get in there?!
  • Rig: The back door.
  • NH: Now is not a good time. Go play with the squirrels or something.
  • Rig: It's my duty! Tee he, duty.
  • (Rig goes into the ground.)
  • NH: Ah, finally. I have, in my furry paws........... The Book of The Gods and Goddesses of the Internet! You must follow these wise ones in order to rid of your lag, connection problems and typos.
  • US: Follow? Like, they're a religion?
  • NH: Yerp. Now stop interrupting and let me........
  • US: Ha, that's rich. Do my shoes have a religion too?
  • NH: Ssssssssssssh! Pastus might hear you!
  • US: Who?
  • NH: Maybe if you were quiet for a second you would know.
  • US: (zips mouth, muffled): There, happy?
  • NH: Indubitably. Now, long ago, when I was a wolf pup...........
  • (Flashes back to when NH is a puppy.)
  • NH: Curse you, Lagus!
  • Rack: (voice only): You better not be using the computer too much! It's not good for your eyes!
  • NH: Silence, human!
  • Rack: (voice only): Ooh, act like that and you'll get a bath!
  • NH: Stupid computer! I can never take over the world with such a laggy computer! (pouts and walks away) Hm, what is this?
  • (NH notices the book, titled "The Book of The Gods and Goddesses of the Internet.)
  • NH: Hm...........
  • (Pup NH reads the book.)
  • (Flashback ends.)
  • US: Done yet?
  • NH: SILENCE! Now, I will tell you about the Gods and Goddesses of the Internet.
  • US: Finally.
  • NH: (mumbling): Table of Contents, author, illustrations......
  • US: JUST TELL ME ALREADY!
  • NH: Fine!
  • (NH flips through some pages.)
  • NH: A-ha! Pastus, God of the Internet. (reading): As stated above, Pastus is the God of all Internet, keeping lag, connection and typos in check.......
  • (Shows image of Pastus watching a router called "The Almighty Router" to see Internet's connection.)
  • Pastus: Ah, everything's all nice and perfect. Ooh, gotta use the little God's room. Lagus, watch the connection for me.
  • (Pastus leaves.)
  • NH: (voice only): And now, Lagus, Goddess of Lag.
  • Lagus: Sure thing, Pastus. Hm, this router's too fast for me.
  • (Lagus turns the Fast/Slow button to "Slow".)
  • Lagus: Muhahahahhah! Yawn. I'm tired. I shall take a nap. Electricus, watch the router.
  • (Lagus goes to sleep.)
  • NH: (voice only): And then, Electricus, God of connection.
  • Electricus: Hm. This connection's too perfect for me.
  • (Electricus changes the connection to "Blink" mode.)
  • Elecrticus: Now that's perfect. Oh yeah, I gotta go golf with the main upstairs!
  • (A man comes downstairs.)
  • Man: Ready, Elect?
  • Electricus: I was born ready. Typus, monitor the router for me!
  • (Electricus and the Man leave.)
  • NH: (voice only): And finally, Typus, Goddess of typos.
  • Typus: Ah, finally, my turn! Why is there no typos?
  • (Typus rearranges the words "Router" to "Roertu".)
  • Typus: Ah, beautiful.
  • Pastus: I'm back........
  • (Typus gasps, and carries Lagus with her.)
  • Pastus: What the..........?
  • (Cut back to reality.)
  • NH: And that, is what happens when you don't obey Pastus and the others.
  • US: So wait, they're god-like? Tell me where they are! I wanna fight 'em!
  • NH: ........Anyway, this is what happens when you obey them......
  • (Cut back to the book. Pastus, Lagus, Electricus and Typus are eating.)
  • Pastus: Ah, isn't it great that so many people obey us?
  • Lagus: Indeed! I lose my ability to cause lag when people treat me with respect!
  • Electricus: Likewise.
  • Typus: As do I.
  • (Cut back to reality.)
  • US: Aw, that's more lame.
  • NH: You get the point. Now, go away, human. I don't need your germs to spread anymore in my lab.
  • US: Whatevs, NY.
  • (US is about to leave.)
  • NH: (thinking): Hm........ I'm quite bored today.......... maybe I could trick the human into believing in Pastus and doing idiotic things for my amusement! Yes! I've really got to stop revealing the plot......... (not thinking): Uh, human.
  • US: Yes, NY?
  • NH: I forgot one thing. Before you can obey Pastus and the others, you must do many things to officially obey them.
  • US: Sure, I got nothin' else to do.
  • NH: Delicious......
  • US: Huh?
  • NH: Never mind.......
  • (Cut to the two outside.)
  • NH: (writing in a book): Now the first thing to do, is go on a roof, have a satellite on your head, and shout "I believe in Pastus!" at least fifty times and then jump off.
  • US: Itter! I believe in Pasta! I believe in Pasta!
  • (NH facepalms.)
  • (An hour later.)
  • NH: You know you've said it more than fifty times.
  • US: I know, but I love pasta!
  • Rack: (coming out of nowhere): Uh, US, why are you on my roof?
  • US: Because I love pasta!
  • Rack: Uh, okay..........
  • (Rack leaves.)
  • ('US jumps off.)
  • US: Now I'm hungry. Gimme pasta!
  • NH: Sigh..........
  • (Later. US and NH are at a table.)
  • NH: Now, you must pray to Pastus, Lagus, Electricus and Typus.
  • US: Sure thing. (prays): Pasta, I love how saucy, chewy, sticky and yummy you are. Lasagna, I love how you're exactly like pasta but still not a total knock off. Oh elementary school food, how sticky and cheap you are by putting glue on macaroni. Taffy, I love how chewy you are and slowly make my teeth decay.
  • NH: I'm already getting tired of this joke.
  • (A montage begins to play of NH telling US how to obey Pastus, with US misinterpreting what he says.)
  • NH: (exhausted): Okay, this shall be the final one. Sit down and talk like a monk.
  • US: But I'm not a monkey or the main character of a TV show........
  • NH: Just do it.
  • US: Fine. (sits down and talks like a monk): Um........... pasta.......... um........ lasagna........... um............ elementary school food........... um.............. taffy........... um........
  • NH: Why do I even bother?
  • (Cut to Pastus, Lagus, Electricus and Typus.)
  • Pastus: What's this? Someone manipulating another and making fake rules?
  • Lagus: Seen it before.
  • Electricus: Darn trouble makers!
  • Typus: What shall we do to the trouble maker?
  • Pastus: We shall punish the trouble maker for life. He has caused much trouble for some reason.
  • Lagus: Agreed. I love to give bad people lag.
  • Electricus: Likewise. Blinking connection is fun to do on trouble makers.
  • Typus: As do I with typos.
  • Pastus: Alright, let's meet this guy in person!
  • (The four poof away and go to where NH and US are.)
  • NH: Now stop doing things wrong and let me........
  • (The four put their fingers on his back.)
  • NH: Oh no........
  • Pastus: You have disappointed the Gods of the Internet!
  • (Lagus coughs.)
  • Pastus: And Goddesses....... but the point is, you have broken the rules of The Book of The Gods and Goddesses of the Internet!
  • NH: I just wanted to have fun with a naive human!
  • US: Um......... lamps............
  • Pastus: That is no excuse to manipulate! Now, since you have disgraced the gods and goddesses of the Internet, we shall punish you.
  • Lagus: By causing you never ending lag!
  • (Lagus electrocutes NH's computer and router.)
  • Electricus: And by causing you never ending blinking connection!
  • (Electricus also electrocutes NH's computer and router.)
  • Typus: And by causing you never ending typos!
  • (Typus does the same as Lagus and Electricus.)
  • Pastus: And finally, I shall double all of that!
  • (Pastus also does the same as the other three.)
  • Pastus, Lagus, Electricus & Typus: And worst of all, we shall cast all of what was already said on you!
  • (The four electrocute NH.)
  • Pastus: And our work here is done. Sorry for all the trouble he caused.
  • US: Um....... chocolate........
  • Pastus: Right....... Let's go, Gods!
  • (Lagus slaps Pastus.)
  • Pastus: (rubbing cheek): And Goddesses! Ow...... that hurt.....
  • (Lagus blows a raspberry.)
  • (Pastus uses his staff to poof the four away.)
  • US: Um........ NY, are you okay?...........
  • NH: (delayed response): My bass hurts..........
  • US: Um........... NY, remember, kids' show............
  • NH: ...........I'll just.......... blow now...........
  • (NH leaves.)
  • US: Um............ that's the end of the cartoon...........
  • THE END.

CreditsEdit

StarringEdit

WritingEdit

ThanksEdit

To New Heathera, Utter solitude and Rigbybestie1510 for being the inspirations to the corresponding characters.

OtherEdit

Sorry if this episode's too short. I had a bad case of writer's block, but I think it's still great. I love how original the plot is.

Thanks for reading! :D

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