(Episode begins with NH laughing evilly in his lab)
NH: (Deep voice) MUHAHAHAHAHA! (Coughs; has his normal voice) Muhahaha! Finally! After several attempts that haven't gone well.
(Montage of many explosions and NH's fur is black and his fur is sticking everywhere)
NH: I have finally created a invention that hasn't blown up! Rig!
(Rig pops up out of the trash can)
Rig: Did someone say my name?
NH: I did. But......why were you in the trash?
Rig: Looking for ingredients for my pies! I call it "Scraps Pie", great name, huh?
NH: (Mumbles) I'm SO glad I don't eat her pies. (Out loud) Give it to Rack when your done, I'm sure he'll love it.
Rig: Okey Dokey Artichokey!
NH: Ugh...But I called you because I want you to test this.
(Pulls sheet off the invention; its 2 pods)
Rig: Are those incubators?
NH: No! These are my transporters!
NH: Transporters. You go in the first one and when I press this button on this remote. (Holds up a remote with a big red button) You shall be in the other one in a split second!
Rig: .....You want some pie too?
NH: Look, pie!
(Gets pie out and throw it into the transporter)
(Rig runs in it and NH presses the button; a flash of light is seen then Rig appears in the other transporter, eating the pie)
NH: It works! MOVE!
(NH throws Rig out of her pod and NH goes into the first pod; Old Man walks into the lab and Rack is outside)
Rack: (Outside) Old Man! Where are you? I should have a old person leash so he won't always run away from me.
Old Man: What is this contraption? A porta-potty? A bedroom?
(Old Man walks into the second pod and the door closes)
Old Man: Dang nabbit! Not again.
(A flash of light is seen and they walk out of their pods; Old Man is in NH's body and NH is in Old Man's body)
NH: Ouch! My back! I should of asked Rig if she had any injuries before I shoved her out. (Sniffs) EW! What is that smell?!
(NH goes to a mirror and he is in Old Man's body)
NH: EEEWW!! Why am I in a wrinkly, smelly old body?! And I'm wearing clothes!
Old Man: My hearing, it's better! And I'm getting a breeze, a breeze I haven't felt in so long....Thank you for donating your body, hairy boy!
NH: I am, well was, a wolf! Now get in there so I can have my body back!
Old Man: No, I'm gonna try this new, young body. Goodbye.
(Old Man stumbles out of the lab on his hind legs)
NH: Ugh.....great, JUST great!
(Rack walks into the lab)
Rack: Old Man! Where-
(Sees NH and thinks its Old Man)
Rack: THERE you are! I was worried sick about you. Now come on, I have to end your daily walk and get you back to the retirement center.
NH: What? No, you pathetic human! It's me, NH! Also known as NY to the Mayor.
Rack: Old Man, no time for your impressions of people. But that was a great NH, for a second there, I really thought you WERE NH. Anywho, let's go.
(Rack grabs NH's arm and drags him towards the retirement home while NH thrashes around)
NH: I AM NH! Now get your sick human germs on me! (A crack is heard) My back!
Rack: Geez, for being old, you have alot of energy.
(Scene goes to Old Man testing out his new body)
Old Man: That boy sure had a great body. I don't even need clothes thanks to this fur! (Sniffs his fur) Gah! That boy needed a bath!
(Rig jumps out of a trash can nearby)
Rig: Hello NH! Want some scrap pie now? It's freshly baked.
Old Man: I used to eat old scraps in the hard times during my captivity in Vietnam. Sure, I'll have some.
(Rig gives Old Man the scrap pie; the pie has rotten fruit peels, some weird ooze that looks like melted Jell-o, and flies are circling the pie; Old Man spits the pie out)
Old Man: Kids these days! They don't even know how to make old scraps even taste good! In the jail, the people were kind enough to give us scraps that were actually appetizing but this, this is like eating dirt that has been covered in sewage!
Rig: NH, are you okay? You seem cranky. Want some pie to make yourself better?
Old Man: Get away from me, weird dog creature!
Rig: (Laughs) NH, you're so funny!
(Old Man walks away and US runs up to him)
US: NY! There you are! I was looking for you.
Old Man: Who the heck are you?
US: NY, you sick or somethin'? You sound old.
Old Man: That's because I am!
US: Seriously, can you stop talking? It's hurting my virgin ears.
Old Man: What? You are expecting! That or your just need to lose some weight and get to the gym. Darn people, when I was a young lad, we didn't have all these colorful boxes that show images and that wii-wii stuff. We actually went outside and played with sticks and rocks, not inside laying around like lazy bums who have nothing better to do in their lives pretending to kill creatures that don't even exist! There should be a law against being lazy good-for-nothing bums!
(Old Man grumbles and walks away; US has a confused look on her face)
US: Guess he's in a bad mood. Anywho, back to my office and relax all day. Probably call Rigs in a bit.
(US walks away and scene goes to Rack and NH finally making it to the retirement home)
Rack: Here we are.
(A bunch of old people are in the lobby; NH plugs his nose)
NH: Ugh, it smells like old person and prunes.
Rack: Don't you love it?
Rack: Well, someone will take you to your room. I'll see you in a few days.
(Rack leaves and a nurse comes)
Nurse: Alright Old Man, let's get to your room.
NH: I don't belong here!
(The Nurse pulls NH to his room)
Nurse: I'll be back to get you for bingo. Since I know you guys love bingo.
(The nurse leaves and closes the door; NH paces in his room)
NH: I have to get out of here somehow. The window!
(Opens the window and starts to jump out but sees its 5 stories high; NH closes the window and continues to pace)
NH: Drat. Hm....wait, did she lock the door?
(NH turns the knob and the door opens)
NH: Pfft, easy.
(NH runs as fast as he can to the lounge and stops)
NH: (Sweating) Man, why is it so hot in here?! I gotta take these demon clothes off me!
(NH takes his clothes off)
NH: Ah......MUCH better.
(A shriek is heard)
Old Lady: Old Man, put your clothes back on! Only women have heat flashes, not men!
NH: See ya suckas!
(NH runs out and people cover their eyes)
NH: I wish I had fur instead of this nasty body. I'm gonna get back at that old man.
(Scene goes to Old Man shaking himself off to dry after swimming in a lake)
Old Man: What the? My fur is white now! That darn water must of had chemicals in it thanks to that chemical plant down the street that made me have white fur! Why can't they put it in our enemies' waters and not in ours?! These rebels will pollute our water sources and make us freaks by drinking this stuff!
(NH runs up to him)
NH: There you are! You're that old man who stole my body!
Old Man: You! Why are you naked?!
NH: Your demons were suffocating me so I took them off.
Old Man: How can clothes suffocate you? Ive been wearing those clothes for 20 years!
NH: Did you wash them?
Old Man: I don't have the time to do that.
NH: Ugh, I'm so glad now. But anyway, come with me to my lab so we can switch our bodies.
Old Man: You'll have to catch me.
(Old Man gets on all fours and runs away; NH runs but is slow)
NH: Curse you new body for your slowness!
Old Man: Haha, can't catch me now!
(Old Man runs into a telephone pole and gets knocked out; NH catches up to him)
NH: (Panting) Finally. Now, let's take you back.
(NH pulls on Old Man but cant move him)
NH: Am I this heavy? I need to go on a diet once I get my body back.
Rack: (from a distance) Old Man! Old Man!
NH: Drat, him. Better go!
(NH runs away and Old Man wakes up)
Old Man: Gah, my head! That mischevious boy was trying to kill me! Where are the cops when you need them?! When I was a little kid, cops were everywhere to help people with problems but now they barely show up when bad things happen like a poor old man is being attacked by a gross boy! The economy these days, its like a idiot is running this town.
(Scene goes to US in her office and she sits up quickly)
US: My "US is a idiot" gland is tingling. No one calls US a idiot and gets away with it! Dep, dont touch any of my stuff while I find this dude and teach him a lesson about calling me an idiot when I'm actually very smart.
(US tries to pull on the door and cant open it)
Dep Mayor: PUSH the door.
US: I knew that.
(US pushes the door and walks out; Scene goes back to Rack helping Old Man up)
Rack: NH. are you okay? I saw Old Man attack you and I was worried that you got a concussion!
Old Man: Get off of me! I'm fine!
Rack: Oh good. Now if you excuse me, I gotta find Old Man and get him to calm down. Old Man, Old Man where are you?!
(Rack runs towards the direction NH ran and Old Man brushes himself off)
Old Man: That kid sure is weird. And I think the juice just kicked in. Let's see.....(Sees a bush) Good.
(Old Man runs up to the bush and starts 'going' and a guy walks out of his house)
Man: GAH! My eyes!
(Old Man accidently pees on the man's head)
Man: My head! Thats it! I'm calling animal control!
(Old Man gets up)
Old Man: People have no privacy anymore.
(Animal control suddenly shows up and surround Old Man)
Man: (Drying his hair) That's him guys! The wolf who peed on my poor head.
Animal Control Officer: Just hold still...
(He shoots a tranquilizer dart at Old Man and he yelps)
Old Man: That was rude! People are so inpolite. People actually apologized after shooting someone, not just stand there and do nothing! You people disgust me.....
(Old Man passes out and snores)
Animal Control Officer: Man, that's a talkative dog.
(They throw Old Man into the back of their truck and drive away; Scene goes to NH running into his lab and closing the main door)
NH: That was close. RIG!
(Rig pops out of trash)
Rig: An intruder! Time to test out my "guard dog" classes, even though I went for 5 seconds.
(Rig runs to NH and bites his arm)
NH: OUCH! RIG! Its me, NH!
Rig: (Muffled due to her biting NH) Ha, nice try naked old man. You can't fool me.
NH: What if I said, pants are demons?!
Rig: (Muffled) OH, hi NH!
(Stops biting him)
Rig: How was my guarding? Was it good?
NH: Wonderful. But listen to me.My body is replaced with this gross, hairy, wrinkly body and the old man who has my body is doing horrible things to myself, like BATHING my fur when I liked it dirty! I need to get him back here so we can switch and I can get my body back. Can you help me?
Rig: Sure! Can I get my bat and potato sack?
NH: OH, kidnapping. Perfect Rig.
Rig: What? No you silly wrinkly wolf-man! I meant can I get my bat and potato sack so we can play "Potatall", baseball but with potatoes!
NH: Ugh....why are you my assistant in the first place?
Rig: Well, it started when-
NH: No time for flashbacks! Let's go!
(NH and Rig go out of the lab; Scene goes to Old Man waking up in a cage)
Old Man: Huh? Oh no, the soldiers have come back from the dead and have captured me! I knew I should of been nice to them before I killed them off in the Vietnam War! Oh dead soldiers, PLEASE let me go! I promise I won't hate your country anymore if you don't torture or kill me!
Animal Control Guard: Take it easy there, mutt. You're just in the animal shelter where we put weird, annoying, or mutant animals and you either get adopted or.....well, you don't wanna know that part just yet. Anyway, here's breakfast. Enjoy.
(Gives Old Man dog food in a bowl)
Old Man: At least these people are more caring about their prisoners than Vietnam where we waited for days just to get a scrap of food to eat while they give it to you every day.
Animal Control Officer: Alright Dennis, your shift's over.
Animal Control Guard: Good. OH and by the way, the talking dog over there is very annoying with rambling about "his times" in Vietnam.
Animal Control Officer: Well, don't worry about him for long. Where he's going next, he won't be talking for good.
Old Man: They're gonna KILL me?! I have to bust out of here!
(Old Man backs up to the wall; he runs to the bars trying to knock them down and he hits his head)
Old Man: (Rubbing his forehead) These bars must be made of unbreakable metal! I can dig my way out!
(Old Man tries digging a hole in the ground but he doesnt put a scratch on the ground; his nails are little stubs when close-up)
Old Man: This is gonna take a while.
(Scene goes to NH and Rig walking down a street when they pass a TV store advertising Old Man's capture)
NH: Rig, stop!
(Rig stops in her place)
News Reporter: Earlier today, a man complained about a talking dog doing his...."business" in his lawn and after the dog hit the man with pee, he called Animal Control where the talking dog is being held now.
Animal Control Officer: After this little fiasco, if we don't get someone to adopt this dog, which no one will unless they switched bodies with the dog and wanted it back, we will have to put him down for him for our sake since he's so annoying and talkative.
'News Reporter': Now for political news-
NH: I KNEW he would get in trouble! Come Rig, we must get him back before I lose my body forever!
(NH and Rig run to a disguise store; Scene goes to a few minutes later where Rig is wearing a worn-out leash and NH is wearing a hat, shirt, and tie but no pants)
Rig: So....what's the plan again?
NH: Simple. I take you to the Animal Control, pretend that I found you in a alleyway eating garbage, when the door opens I run in and get Old Man out while they take you away.
Rig: Great plan!
(NH and Rig start walking to the Animal Control; Scene goes to Old Man trying to get out and he sees a paper clip)
Old Man: Huh? A paper clip? Wait a second.
(Old Man grabs the paper clip, unbends it, and picks the lock; the cage opens)
Old Man: Haha, I'm free! In your face, you stuck-up men! Even as a weird canine mutant, I can beat this trapping system with a metal clip!
(Old Man runs out the door and runs onto the street; he runs into NH and Rig)
NH and Old Man: You?!
(NH wrestles Old Man and Rig knocks him out by pinching his shoulder)
NH: How did you learn that trick?
Rig: Ninja movies late at night.
NH: Hm, guess you are useful after all. Alright, to the lab!
(They run to the lab; Scene goes to Rack walking and he stops)
Rack: Old Man's leash! I forgot about that till now! I better go back and find it.
(Rack starts running and he ends up in NH's lab)
Rack: So THIS is why the electronics keep going missing, NH uses them for inventions!
(US walks in)
US: Rack, I need to ask you something.
Rack: How did you find me?
US: I'm still looking for the guy who called me an idiot. But I saw you walk in and I have a SERIOUS question!
Rack: What is it?
US: Do you have any noodles?
(Dep walks in)
US: Dep, I told you to stay! Why are you here?
Dep. Mayor: Oh well uh.....you see uh.......Okay, I admit it. I follow you here so I can smell your hair, it smells like chocolate!
US: I use chocolate to wash my hair everyday. Its called "Milk Chocolate".
(NH and Rig run in with Old Man hanging from NH's shoulders)
US: There's the guy who called me an idiot!
(US attacks NH)
NH: NO! ITS ME! NY!
US: NY? (Stops punching him) But I sensed that it was you.
NH: You mean the old man thats in my body.
US: But I still technically beat him up.
Rig: Uh oh, hes waking up!
(Old Man starts to wake up)
NH: Quick, get him into one of the pods quick!
(NH, Rack, Dep, Rig, and US carry Old Man into the pod and NH gets in the other pod)
NH: Alright Rig, push the red button, NOT the green button!
Rig: Red? Green? What are those?
(Goes to her vision which is all gray)
Rig: Hm....I'll choose this one!
Rack, US, NH, and Dep: NNNOOOO!!!!
(Rig presses the green button; a big explosion occurs and the pods are destroyed; everyone gets up and moans)
NH: Gah, note to self, DONT have color blind Rig press the buttons. Huh? Why do I smell cheese?
(NH gets up and goes to the mirror; NH is in Rack's body, Rack is in NH's body, Rig is in Old Man's body, Old Man is in Rig's body, US is in Dep's body, and Dep is in US' body)
NH: Not again!
US:Ugh, why do I feel so.....healthy?
(Sees that she's in Dep's body)
US: Aw.....Now I practiced for "World's Heaviest Woman" record for nothing!
Rig: Ow, my back! Ew, I smell like mothballs and death.
Old Man: I smell like garbage and pie.
Rack: That hurt. Huh? This breeze......it's...it's.......so wonderful! NH, NOW I know why you hate pants!
NH: Oh great, HE got my body. Ugh.....guess I'll have to pay the guy another 100 bucks to get me more transporting pods.
Rack: How do you get the money?
NH: I stole from your wallet.
Rack: I knew it!
Old Man: I feel even greater in this new body! I can run fast, eat alot, AND I'm immortal!
Rig: He knows my secret pie recipes now!
Dep: Ugh, I feel so fat. Wait, I'm in US' body? Yes! Finally, I can rule USville and make it Depville!
US: Hey! Don't change USville, its MY town!
Dep: Not anymore with me in your body.
Rig: So......Part 2?
NH: I'm afraid so.
Rig: See you guys in part 2! (A bone cracks) Ow, my arm! Dumb new, old, breaking body.
(Part 1 ends)